I can't make this shit up
While in Union Square during a photo shoot that involved fake blood and a fake knife, I nearly got caught up in a crack deal. It sort of went something like this..
man hunched over on a bench looking like he's about to puke.
man #2: Yo Fred, you okay man?
Fred: in hoarse, grumpy and loud voice "I need some crack."
man #2: Okay
goes over to large group standing uncomfortably close to me as I straddle my bag, carrying my camera, watching two brief cases while friends are off shooting a scene.
Can't really understand what they're saying but I see them making some calls. Some surfer type guy comes carrying a beautiful, blond, adorable baby who I've actually seen before at the Union Square B&N. I know my vagrants. Breaks my heart to see kid in this situation. The baby mama shows up, looking cracked out no less, skinny, with dreads, tats, piercings and pregnant. At which point, my boyz come back and thankfully, we leave the scene before the transaction takes place.
Slightly Stressed
I'm feeling better for now, of course trying to sleep with post nasal drip action and coughing is always the hardest. In addition, last night I had trouble sleeping cause I was inspired. Imagine that. I can really get into this whole photography thing. I just need to get used to photographing people on the street. One woman shielded her face from me but that actually made for a better picture. I'm getting a handle on my camera as well- comfortable with the manual features.
Kind of a lot going on this weekend. Leaving for a wedding early Friday afternoon in Upstate NY. It should be tons of fun but I'm already exhausted thinking about the schedule.. starting with hair around 9:30am. Yikes. I guess that's the nature of being a bridesmaid. It could have definitely been earlier and anything for my girl yo. In any case, I'm trying my darnest to get ample amounts of sleep before then. Perhaps a bit of nyquil will do for tonight.
Wandering and Pondering around NYC
Took the Canon out for a spin and here are some of my favorites.
Sickish
I'm feeling pretty crappy. I left work early yesterday and came to work late today. Also had to skip my favorite spinning class last night which could be in fact, the very last Monday night, 7:30 spin class until the Winter schedule. Gr.. Why do I always have to get sick on Mondays. I desperately need to recover before the end of the week festivities.. rehearsal dinner, and wedding on Saturday. I'm not worried though. I'm a fighter. I do find it annoying, however, that when I'm slightly sick, or being quiet, everyone freaks out and questions why I'm not being my normal self. Haha. I guess I'll take that as a compliment.
The Lives of Others
Instead of going to my favorite spinning class, I stayed in to recover from a cold. Why am I always sick on Mondays? I'll definitely miss his class. I saw "the Lives of Others," a beautiful film about East Germany before the falling of the wall. It was interesting to get an in depth idea of what their society was like, an era that isn't often explored or discussed in American culture. I highly recommend the film.
Grrrrr
A friend forwarded me this letter. His friend (actually someone he hasn't talked to in a while) had sent this mass email to people and he wanted to know my opinion. Well, to start, I couldn't read the thing all the way through because I didn't want to projectile vomit all over my computer.
here it goes.. and this is a long one..
"I've had an unexpected financial emergency come up and would like to request your help.
Nature of the Issue
One week ago, I received a letter from the IRS telling me that they found a problem with my 2006 tax return. The issue was a discrepancy between the income I reported and what had been reported by banks, employers, etc. I checked out their records and compared them with my records and found that IRS is indeed correct. I had forgotten to report some interest income earned, and the result is that I owe $809 in taxes and interest. If I do not pay this by September 10, I will incur additional interest until I pay this.
I spent the last week thinking about how I am going to deal with this issue.
If I pay out of cash I currently have saved, it would exhaust my entire savings and then some. I already have two big expenses that are impending in the next two to three months that I haven't figured out how I will deal with: a new catalytic converter for my car (probably at least $1300, and that's just for the part, not the labor), as well as a move to SOMEWHERE, because my current position is seasonal and my contract ends on October 31. I don't currently know where I will be moving and what my job situation would be, but I know that it could potentially be costly, involving cross-country driving and/or security deposits for housing, etc. My current savings is not enough to deal with either of those things, likely.
If I put the $809 on my credit card, it would quite nearly exhaust the rest of my credit line, leaving me even more vulnerable to any future financial emergency that could come up, unless I were to take out another credit card and perpetuate the problem. Also, I currently have more debt than I can sustain at $4189.02. Before I understood what I do now about money, I made some decisions that were way beyond my means to pay and keep myself financially free. In March, I completely got my financial act together and changed my whole outlook on money, credit, and saving. Since then, I've been saving very consciously and carefully a portion of every paycheck, and allocating various percentages to things that would help me take care of my entire self, all at the same time: investments, saving for big things like my upcoming move and a home and a new car when mine eventually dies, personal development, and charity).
I feel great about my new outlook on money and saving; however, it is taking time to build up the savings and reserves I need, because my take-home income is only about $500 every two weeks (though I do NOT have the expense of rent and certain utilities where I am living now). This amount is ALMOST sustainable based on things I need to buy...but not quite. What's keeping it from being sustainable? Credit card payments. If not for those, I am confident I'd be able to afford almost everything I need without cycling new debt back onto the credit cards. I currently cannot afford to make substantial monthly payments on this due to my income and expenditures, and if this continues (and who knows whether it will or it won't?), it will take me at least four or five years to pay it off, thus perpetuating the cycle.
So while I can certainly put out this fire in the short term using the resources I currently have available to me (savings, credit, etc), I don't see how it will be helpful in the long term. I see the cycle perpetuating, and I have no desire to do that.
How I'd like to try and generate some funds to put out this fire
I am asking certain people in my various communities who know and like me if they would be willing to contribute some money to help me deal with this. And I am requesting that anyone who is willing and able to contribute do so ANONYMOUSLY. Why? Several reasons:
1. I don't wish to put anybody in a position where they only contribute out of guilt or wonder "if I don't contribute, will Bethany still think of me the same way? Is our friendship/relationship contingent upon whether or not I help with this?"
2. I don't wish to put MYSELF in a position where I feel indebted to any one particular person and feel guilty in the future if I do something that person doesn't like or doesn't agree with.
I would much rather that anyone who gives does so joyfully and unconditionally out of a desire to help and contribute, and that if I receive anything, I feel thankful and grateful to God (or the universe, or Divinity, or the source...I'm comfortable using any of those words, personally) for taking care of me, rather than feeling indebted to any specific person or people.
"I would be happy to help; how can I give an anonymous gift?"
I've enlisted the help of several willing third parties who have each agreed to receive gifts on my behalf, and whom I trust completely. I've listed them below. I have chosen to use SEVERAL third parties, not just one, for the trust and comfort of anyone who might wish to give to me. I know you all from many different areas of my life, and you don't know all each other (or even know OF each other). So by having multiple third parties, anyone wishing to give can choose the third party that they personally trust most and feel most comfortable sending gifts to.
If (and only if!) you can willingly and joyfully and anonymously give, please send a check made payable to "cash" to any one of the third parties listed below (by August 29 if possible!). For each third party, I've also included a way to contact the person (phone number or e-mail address or both) that the person has agreed to share, in case you would like to tell them things like "I just sent this, so watch for it in the mail" or ask "did you receive the letter I mailed on Friday?"
The third parties have agreed to do the following:
On September 3, they will take any checks or cash received to the bank, deposit them into their own checking accounts, and write me a check for the amount out of their own accounts.
The third parties would then send me an e-mail or call me and let me know the amount sent (so I have a week to plan if necessary to make up the difference somehow), but would NOT disclose the identities of the givers, nor the number of gifts received.
"I'm not sure whether I would like to give; is it okay if I ask you further questions, --?"
I'd prefer that people do not ask me further questions, because that could potentially compromise anonymity. This is why I disclosed as much information as I feel comfortable in this message.
If you are really not sure whether you would like to give and your decision is truly based on knowing the answer to a specific question, I would prefer that you e-mail the question to one of the third parties so that they can ask me the question and preserve the anonymity of the asker.
If you would like to send me messages of support or include me in your prayers, I would of course welcome those!
"What will you do if people give more than you need to deal with your financial situation as you have described it?"
I will joyfully and gratefully contribute the surplus to a consciously chosen cause and/or to a person(s) in need (I have not yet determined what/whom that will be. Right now, I'm still focused on putting out this fire).
Thank you so much for reading this and for considering giving to me. Thank you also for anything you choose to give.
Sincerely,
Then this email-
----Inline Attachment Follows-----
Hi everyone,
I'm considering myself fortunate to have received a little bit of feedback on my letter, some supportive and some less so. I'm assuming that for each person who was brave enough to send me feedback (and I consider it very brave, given that I had asked not to receive it in my original letter), there might be some others who also have some strong feelings that they have not yet shared with me. One person shared with me some very strong thoughts and feelings she had in response to my letter. From what I read, it seemed to me that she felt very angry, among other things, and she expressed that she does not wish to receive communications from me in the future. I felt incredibly sad and regretful when I read that, for two reasons:
1. I have a deep respect for this person and have received so much from her presence in my life (possibly more than she knows), so I would feel awful to know that my letter triggered those feelings in her to such a degree that she would not wish to communicate with me at all in the future; and
2. I'm imagining that others I care about might be having similarly strong feelings and are not telling me because they are thinking that I don't want to hear it (and I know I caused that completely by SAYING that I would prefer not to hear it in the original letter).
I feel really sad and regretful to think that my letter may have triggered such feelings in friends of mine to the degree that it may have damaged more relationships than I currently know about. For that reason I would like to change what I originally said: If you are having any feelings you would like to share with me in response to my letter, any at all, I would like to invite you to please, please share them with me. I would like the opportunity to talk through them and hopefully come to some understanding in our friendship. I will make every effort to respond in a timely manner to any message I receive about this.
Also, if you are feeling anger, annoyance or anything else like that in response to the content of the original letter...I guess I'd like to share some things too.... I hope that you can hear that I fully understand that I created that situation myself due to my past actions and oversights and lack of knowledge and understanding...and that I was feeling really scared and desperate and hopeless about my situation because every way of dealing with it that I could think of at the time would leave me in worse-off place in the future, and because I had been making efforts to save and turn my situation around before I found out about this large and unexpected expense. I hope that you can hear the panic I was feeling because of the approaching deadline I have, and that if I'd had some more time to "sleep on it," I would have handled certain things differently.
I really, truly hope that if anyone has anything that they would like to share with me they will share it. I care about my relationships with each of you far, far more than I care about any gift you might have been thinking of sending (or not).
Hopefully,
-------------------------
NOW, if you managed to get through the sob story.. here's what makes me so angry... We all go through situations where we knowingly may have to put ourselves into more debt. But that's our responsibility. I'd ask my parents and family but never my friends to help me out and I'm grateful because my parents have helped me. Over the past 4 years I've had random medical issues such as my gallbladder removed (despite being in perfect health otherwise) and $1,500 worth of unexpected dental work. I've accidentally broken my computer, lost a job, had to pay out of pocket health insurance, etc. etc, in the end, accumulating way more than $4,000 worth of debt including school loans. Trial and tribulation that some close friends didn't even know about until it was casually brought up in conversation THIS summer. The average American household debt is $7,000! so this girl is ahead of the curve!
In her email, she discusses her discipline in finally being able to save and INVEST money! Hi, I would have loved to have had the privilege over the years to invest money, but instead, I was too busy paying down my debt and trying to live from paycheck to paycheck! Okay, that's all I can say for now. Need to do deep breathing exercises and think positive thoughts. I can only hope that this girl is actually not serious, and instead, this is all a social experiment. That being a migrant farmer on organic farms is a cover for the secret psychology masters she's getting. I mean, she's taking money away from the Mexicans! Perhaps she should put that college education and obviously decent writing skills to better use..
Long Sunday
Today I went to the beach, Spring Lake, NJ with some friends, my sister and my friend's family. We had a ton of fun but the water had a very strong current. The lifeguards even put up a yellow flag indicating caution when going into the water. After a significant amount of ocean time, we chilled on the sand. At some point, my sister noticed a line of people crowded by the shore line. We gathered the crowd and found out quickly that apparently an older man with epilepsy had gone missing. The lifeguards at every station, were combing the water, hand in hand, looking for the body. We walked up in the direction of the tide, contemplating the situation, having trouble understanding how someone could go missing in a the sea, but among a sea of people. Wondering how the lifeguards must have felt. How the family must have felt. And how interesting as to how quickly the news traveled. And how EVERYONE had stopped what they were doing and was intensely watching the lifeguards.
Finally, we looked back towards the direction from whence we came and noticed a more concentrated, circular crowd. They had found the body. My sister and her friend later told me the body was caught near the rocks. As human nature tends to take over, we all quickened our pace towards the growing crowd and watched as lifeguards attempted to resuscitate the man despite him having been gone for over a half hour. The young lifeguards, hopefully seeing their first and last death, held up towels to block the body from the spectators. After about twenty minutes, they finally carried him on a board, covered in towels towards the awaiting ambulance. But his stiff, lifeless feet stuck out from under the towels, like a poetic reminder of what happened despite the lifeguards attempts to shield us from his death.
First Shots with the Canon
I'm at home in NJ. Not much going on as far as subjects go so I'll have to go with a little kitty porn. And the sis... i.e. annoyingly more photogenic sis. Grrrr. You can tell that Lola is really loving life. She makes everything she does look sexy. Mischief is sort of giving me that, "bitch, whatchyou doin with that camera in my face when I'm trying to take a nap. You come and closer and I'll lay the smack down on you."
I Entertain Myself
Tonight, I'm going to my parent's house for various reasons and decided to take my computer. So at my apartment, I don't have a desk. Instead, I've been using my college yearbook as a flat service, and keeping my laptop on that. Because I tend to carry them as one unit, I accidentally packed my yearbook with my computer. Aha, no wonder why it was so heavy. Grrr.
Kevin Cosner
OMG. My coworker looks exactly like Kevin Cosner. I can't believe I didn't see it before..
We successfully managed to distract him yesterday during volleyball with comments like, "this ain't no field of dreams" and "where's your tin cup?" and "give me that wolf dance." If only I had known of more iconic K.C. movies off the top of my head.
Best Line Ever
And I forgot about the funniest lines I heard all night. Went to Pug Uglies to start off the night on 3rd ave and 20th. It's a divey bar with shuffle board. There was this crazy woman that kept talking to all of us and she was very passionate about each and every one of us. i.e. told my coworker she's destined for something bigger (she is..), my other coworker that if she were a lesbian, she'd keep her and make sure she lived well, told me she knew I had designed jewelry (I have). And so we all thought she had some interesting insight into our souls and future. Until I asked my extremely mild-mannered, soft spoken, kind coworker what she said about him.
He responds, completely deadpanned, "She said I come from a long line of gangsters."
FUNNESS
Yesterday was too fun. Rocked the volleyball, rocked the scrabble and later on, rocked the karaoke. I'm not going to try and say I'm good at anything I put my mind to.. but yeah. So much fun. I love my coworkers! We all know how to have a good time, and of course buckle down when needed.
company outing
Today I'll be wandering and pondering in *gasp.. Staten Island at our company outing. Will return to your regularly scheduled program this evening or tomorrow. Happy almost Friday!
Freakin Brilliant- 16 Handles - Frozen Yogurt
After yoga, was trying to find a milk shake so I could bring all the boys to the yard. Sorry, couldn't resist. After waiting forever at Max Brenner only to find out the milk shakes were an absurd $7 and probably 1,000 calories, I decided to check out yet another frozen yogurt place. 16 Handles. Brilliant. Instead of having to choose between one flavor and practically a dollar per topping- i.e. 3 delicately placed raspberries that inevitably fall off the yogurt and out of the cup,- you get to serve yourself. Mix and match yogurt flavors. Spoon in exactly 1 blackberry, 2 spoonfuls of crushed oreos, granola, whatever- no judgement. My heart's desire costs less than $5, beating PinkBerries hefty price with a shorter line.
hmmmm
Are You a Compulsive Overeater?
Welcome to Overeaters Anonymous. This series of questions may help you determine if you are a compulsive overeater.
- Do you eat when you're not hungry? YES
- Do you go on eating binges for no apparent reason? YES
- Do you have feelings of guilt and remorse after overeating? YES
- Do you give too much time and thought to food? YES
- Do you look forward with pleasure and anticipation to the time when you can eat alone? NO
- Do you plan these secret binges ahead of time? NO
- Do you eat sensibly before others and make up for it alone? NO (I have no shame)
- Is your weight affecting the way you live your life? NO
- Have you tried to diet for a week (or longer), only to fall short of your goal? YES
- Do you resent others telling you to "use a little willpower" to stop overeating? YES
- Despite evidence to the contrary, have you continued to assert that you can diet "on your own" whenever you wish? NO
- Do you crave to eat at a definite time, day or night, other than mealtime? YES
- Do you eat to escape from worries or trouble? NO
- Have you ever been treated for obesity or a food-related condition? NO
- Does your eating behavior make you or others unhappy? NO
That Just Looks Painful.. But Liberating.
Who's next?
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlmjZzv_4Xs&hl=en&fs=1&w=425&h=344]
