La Resistance

I was in Paris the day of the attacks. That evening, I had been out with friends in Montmartre. I was tired and starting to get sick and nearly didn't go out. If I hadn't gone out, I would have likely fallen asleep before the attacks which means my family and friends would have had to wait eight hours before knowing I was safe. My friend, who lives in Paris, nearly took us to a restaurant next door to the attacks. These "sliding-like-door" decisions have not escaped me. I was lucky to have left Paris unharmed both physically and emotionally.While the news outlets were focusing on the horrors of the attacks, I wandered the streets of Paris as a tourist and observer. I witnessed an entirely different side of humanity - the will to defy terrorism by going on with life. The museums and tourist attractions were closed but the cafes weren't. Tourists and locals alike filled the streets without fear. I saw the desire to deeply connect with one another despite our backgrounds. At the hotels I stayed in, seemingly aloof Parisians shared with me their feelings of shock, noting it could have been them. One wondered how she'd be treated at the airport the following week while flying to Iran. Another noted that he never called to check on his friends in Beirut but they had checked on him.

The second day after the attacks, I went to the Place de la Republique. It felt weird being voyeuristic but then again, how could I not witness this? I heard people singing and came to join the crowd. They were fumbling through the lyrics with no native English speakers leading and I nearly went up to the front to help but couldn't get through. You can see me for a split second behind the guy in the yellow sweater at the 13s mark in the Hey Jude video. I had the sense that people weren't singing for attention but truly singing their hearts out - a timeless method of catharsis. It was truly a beautiful moment - a reminder that we all have more in common than we have differences. That we are resilient and, especially if we come together, we will get through whatever challenges face us. And that we will not let violence or fear control us.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOkEcvI7Jqo]

Back In San Francisco!!!

I arrived back in San Francisco yesterday morning after having woken up at 4am for my 7:30am flight. Thank you Papa Dukes for driving me, and no, I have no idea why me or my sister call you that. But before I left, Mischief walked in front of me 3 times on Friday. I suspect it was to trip me so I couldn't leave. But the more likely explanation is that Mischief doesn't realize the pecking order of cats to humans; i.e. that he has to move out of the way. Yes, I nearly fell down the stairs. My father plopped Thomas onto my bed before I went to sleep and instructed him to "stay with his mother." And he did, until I woke up at 4am. All the cats looked genuinely confused at being woken up that early. They looked to us for guidance. Their eyes said "ma, should I eat now or go back to sleep? I don't get this. It's still dark."

Okay, enough about cats. We arrived at the airport with ample time. I switched on my light weight jacket and nearly started shivering during my walk from the car to the airport. 15 degrees will do that to you. If there was ever a girl who understood self-branding, it's me. I don't know many people who accidentally have 4 items of a deep magenta on - my pants, scarf, handbag and carry-on suitcase.

I sat in the Virgin America waiting room trying not to fall asleep and spotted a group of 4 young boys. They looked Eastern European with crew cuts, all probably within 4 years of each other, gathered around a pretty red headed girl with her MacBook Pro open. It was like a scene out of period piece, children gathered their a mother reading a bedtime story. But instead, it was at JFK, in the waiting area of a Virgin America flight, the book was a MacBook and the woman wasn't their mother. Surreal.

The flight was fairly uneventful. I arrived in San Francisco to absolutely beautiful weather. After settling in and showering, I walked around North Beach, almost able to pretend I was in Italy. With the unseasonably warm weather, everyone was out and about. Despite having access to a million forms of entertainment, there's no denying that simply walking outside, laying out in the sun, talking to friends, eating and drinking coffee is usually the most enjoyable. And more than that, it's timeless. I could have taken that walk (minus listening to music from my iPhone), hundreds of years ago. Although it's most likely I wouldn't have seen a cat on a leash. Yes, only in San Francisco.

After going into stores I never had time to explore while in school, I had dinner by myself at a cafe where I read and sat outside. Note to self - arrange dinners before I get to my destination! I started a conversation with two older men sitting next to me. One was a taxi driver who was full of interesting stories. He seemed genuinely happy with his job and said it was way less stressful than being a cab driver in New York. Like for instance, if he wanted a break, he could go to Ocean Beach and just sit and watch the ocean. I learned that he went on less drug runs now for people. That if he doesn't trust someone, he'll drive around until they get the hint and leave. He told me about a successful woman who lived a bi-coastal lifestyle. He said that she seemed like a go-getter with endless amounts of energy. Is that the key to success? Anyway, it feels good to be back. I'd have these experiences in New York but think San Franciscians are more friendly and more likely to talk to strangers. It's obvious to me that I'll be happy where ever I end up and am enjoying the journey.

Where Am I?

So I've been staying at my parent's house for the last week after spending nearly three months in San Francisco. It's been quite the whirlwind. I guess I'm fairly good at dealing with change. - I just keep myself busy and avoid thinking about it. So I've gone to being at school for three months in San Francisco where I was generally so busy that I rarely had lunch before 3pm, to staying at my parent's house where the only exercise I get is walking from the upstairs to the downstairs and back again. And thanks to the blizzard of 2010, I was forced to stay inside. Technically, I'm now unemployed, instead of being student, and my future is a big blank slate. Well, okay, it's not that dramatic. I at least know what I want to do.. just have no idea where I'm going to end up.

I'm looking for account strategy jobs in both NYC and San Francisco. Right now, most of my possessions are at my parent's house in NJ. And then I have a plane ticket back to SF on January 15th where I have an apartment and a few of my clothes. But other than that, there's a big question mark. How much do I bring back to San Francisco? What do I actually need? Where will I work? What's better - having an apartment in San Francisco but few friends or job contacts? Or having no apartment in NYC, most of my friends and a slew of job contacts?

Right now, I feel like I want to be independent and move across country. I wouldn't mind starting fresh. But the longer I'm in the NYC/NJ area, the more I reach into my past instead of moving forward. Is this detrimental? Healthy? Then again, is my past really that bad? When I left NYC in the early fall, I had so many people I cared for and genuinely liked that it was hard to schedule time with everyone. I felt like I was always "catching up" with people instead of hanging out. And it took me five years to get to that point where all of the people I spent time with were those who I genuinely respected and were a joy to be around. When I got to San Fransisco, I automatically had a crew of 30+ people to hang out with on any given day when I actually had time to hang out. What's going to happen now that that crew is back in their homes, around the world?

Today, I had my things moved out of storage and into my parent's house. After living at my parent's house for a week, I finally have a desk to work on (my novel hopefully), I finally have adequate space to house my clothing and book shelves for my books. While I was in San Francisco, I felt weightless, freed by my three suitcases worth of clothing and freed by my mobility. But now, as I look around my room, I sit at the 67 pound desk that I once hauled up my 3rd story walk up on St. Mark's and put together. I look at the 6ft tall bookshelf that I dragged ten blocks and up five flights of stairs. And the IKEA bureau that I was so excited to also carry up five flights of stairs after not having a bureau for four years. The truth is, it's all cheap furniture. None of it matches. But it's mine. I look through my books and remember the inspiration they gave me and I think about how as a collection, they show who I am or who I want to be. But does all this matter? They're only material items.

Having the bigger room, my sister is now the proud owner of my former bed. It sits in her room with a few of my bookshelves and with my bedding. It's kind of weird. I feel possessive of it, like I want it to be mine after not having slept on it for four months. It feels like home. But who cares. It's only a bed. So yeah, here I am, caught between my past and on the verge of stepping into a new future with a clean slate. How appropriate as we approach the end of a decade and I approach the end of my twenties...

My SF Life In iPhone Pictures

The Flight

My very lovely room with lovely roommates and space you'd have to go to NJ to find.

Too much regular nutella indulgence. Hopefully it will be like when I studied abroad in Europe and actually lost weight from all the walking..

Cappuccino done right.

After sharing a lovely burger and moment with very wonderful new friends.

The view a few blocks from my apartment.

Even the dogs are enjoying life in laid back San Francisco

A typical day at Miami Ad School. (kind of... sort of... in a way)

A little less intimidating when you're at the top..

An overly dark picture of one of the items my mother sent me. Nothing like requesting a pair of 5 year old, gold heels. Might as well be bold in San Francisco.

And finally, I'd give you more updates, but I need to do even more research on sex and condoms. Thank you Miami Ad School Project. It will only be fitting if our following assignment is for an alcoholic beverage.

Colorado Part 3 - Street Performers, Scenery & Family

So here I go.. my observations. Right now, as I sit in my air conditioned apartment, after having been back in NYC for three days, I contemplate whether or there's a vast conspiracy with New York. I'm sure my sentiments will change back to their usual "I love New York." But I've started to wonder.. is there a conspiracy that brain washes New Yorkers into thinking that New York is the best place to live so we will put up with the living expensive, day to day bs of commuting on the hot, crowded subway, lack of access to real nature, lack of access to actually getting outside the city, seeing beautiful scenery everyday, etc.? It's just a thought. That will hopefully pass soon.. or maybe not. This comes on the heels of having looked at new apartments on the Upper West Side that are smaller than my current 5th floor walk up and pricier, having realized that I'm about to go into freak out mode with the money situation and need to get on the ball with applying to this program. Yeah, all good thoughts.

And in other news, going to Colorado and spending quality time with old family and those that I just met was (perhaps) a life changing experience. To be perfectly honest, I come from a pretty cool family and have some notable family members that have achieved great things on both sides. On my mom's side, I come from writers, store owners, creatives, etc. and on my dad's side, come from pioneers in religion, health, and people who endured a lot of hardships to move their family to a more promising place. It gives me a sense of pride, is encouraging and also makes me realize I have to shape up even more and get my ass in gear whether I decide to get an MBA, etc. Finally, I had a revelation with men as I watched my cousin get married to a great guy, met my other cousin's husband, and hung out and met various family members.. that who ever I marry will become part of MY family. I know that's obvious but it makes me re-evaluate my previous choices and gives me a better idea of who is good for me. If I realized this a while ago, half the guys I dated would have been kicked to the curb early on. And knowing this helps me get over relationships that didn't work out in the long run. Was all for the best.

Performer in Boulder. He was hard to watch.. scary stuff.

8:15 morning hike in Colorado Springs. We are champions. That was sort of some serious stuff. Of course there were people running on the trail.

The Broadmoor

My sister lounging in the Broadmoor like she owns the place.

The coolest "family heirloom." A.O. Aaker - my great grandfather and famous doctor who died in a weird, tragic way, tripping over something and rupturing his spleen.

My sister with two of the most adorable kids ever (well in top 5!) Luke is a genius, as he tells us.. and Marley is the sweetest girl I've ever met. I think she gave each of us about 7 hugs within the 7 hours that we hung out.

Colorado!

I probably should have warned my readers that I was going on vacation to Colorado for about a week. I went to a wedding for my dad's cousin's daughter, stayed with my mom's childhood friend, then we stayed with second cousins on the Aaker side who we've never met. All in all, it was a super, awesome, life changing trip. I have so many thoughts swirling through my head now about New York vs. the West, family, history, genetics, life, love, health, religion.. that it will take me a bit to process it all. For now, I'll throw some photos your way. Day 1 & 2

My dad looking like a politician while he's presumably talking religion and politics with my sister.

Golden Colorado

View from our big American car (rental).

Family photo before Grooms dinner. I have flat hair. I'm not even sure I can grow my hair as long as my sisters..

Probably right before I got altitude/ motion sickness. Fun times.

Doesn't really need a caption..