My Photography My Photography

Life in Photos: Gay Pride Parade - The Ladies

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Ponderings Ponderings

Robin Thicke's Banned Video & Thoughts On Sexism

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Taking a momentary digression from career advice and swinging back towards cultural observations. Just came across this video of Robin Thicke's Blurred Lines (NSFW) via New York Magazine's always entertaining newsletter, The Vulture. It's worth the watch ... probably from your phone, during your lunch break. The gist is that it features three fully clothed men (the singers) and a plethora of mostly naked models dancing around the set, being playfully chased by the men. The video is moderately entertaining and the women have beautiful bodies. Quite honestly, my first impression was that I wasn't overly offended, a bit confused and mostly wondering why they couldn't find models who were better dancers. The models reminded me of the very young, Eastern European women that come to NYC in order to make it in the industry - barely speaking English and at the mercy of their agents.

But what I really found interesting was their explanation for the song and choices in the video. Robin Thicke explained that he and Pharrell came up with the lyrics and song in a half hour and wrote it as a criticism of misogynistic lyrics we so often hear. He explained that the men in the video looked like idiots whereas the women were directed to act confident and in power by looking directly at the camera. He's referencing a concept from art history 101 - the "gaze" whereas a woman looking directly at the viewer is challenging him / her and asserting her power, most famously depicted in Manet's Olympia.

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In a recent GQ article Robin explains:

"Women and their bodies are beautiful. Men are always gonna want to follow them around."

Even Thicke's wife points out in response to the outcry that "Violence is ugly. Nudity is beautiful."

A recent TEDTalk by Jackson Katz, an anti-sexism educator, echoes this thinking - showing that the conversation of violence against women needs to change to better understand why men are the perpetrators.

So where am I going with all of this talk about nudity, violence, power struggles and sexism, early on a Thursday morning? The video, Manet's Olympia and Jackson's TEDTalk all flip cultural norms on their head. Each make controversial statements because we view their statements through the eyes of a cultural norm so that their artistry become taboo. Both Thicke and Manet challenge the notion that women are not empowered by their own bodies. They show that women do recognize their bodies are beautiful and have the power to turn on both men, other women and even themselves. Jackson champions the empowerment of women when he proves that the discussion of violence against women is really not a "woman's issue" but rather, a problem men need to tackle as they ask themselves why they are the perpetrators.

So I for one am hopeful that the conversation is changing and I look forward to a time when a woman is no longer seen as a victim, but sees her whole being as the great source of power that it is.

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Some Very Practical Advice For a Monday Afternoon

One of my favorite blogs and newsletters is LearnVest, a great example of a successful and groundbreaking startup by women. The website and newsletter tackles something that unfortunately, most women's magazines do not - personal finance. Instead of encouraging us women to buy the latest Marc Jacobs bag to look professional, the site teaches us how to budget, negotiate a raise and generally improve our financial future. Here's a great talk by Learnvest's founder Alexa von Tobel who reminds of how important it is to always consider our long term goals and happiness.[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jkri0AeZWQ]

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Ponderings Ponderings

Insight Into Whether or Not Men & Women Can Be "Just Friends"

What do you think?[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA&w=420&h=315]

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My Photography My Photography

West Indian Day Parade Snakes and Style

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My Photography My Photography

West Indian Day Parade Costumes

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Parade Watching

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Advice for women turning 30

Re-Blogged via Penelope Trunk's Brazen Careerist. I though this was appropriate given that I'm less than 2 months away from the big 3-0. She reviews data via OkCupid on how dating changes for women. It's interesting to see how one year can change a woman's self perception and how she is perceived in society. A friend recently told me that turning 30 is great because you find a certain level of confidence and calm that you didn't have in your 20's. In the past, I have found that reaching age milestones usually don't change a person from one day to the next but I have a feeling that turning 30 will be different.Advice for women turning 30

This is Caitlin McCabe. She's turning 30 this week. I met Caitlin through my Brazen Careerist co-founder, Ryan Paugh. They are getting married, and every day I thank goodness that Ryan found her, because I don't have a lot of friends in Madison, and I can't have one fall to the wayside for marrying someone I don't like.

Caitlin wrote a thoughtful post about turning 30, which reminded me that I have a lot to say about turning 30. So this post is my birthday present to Caitlin. If you can call unsolicited advice a gift.

1. Don’t look to men for turning-30 camaraderie.Turning 30 is different for men and women. Take a look at OKCupid, which is a dating site, yes, but it is also one of the most intoxicating data centers online. Their official blogger, Christian Rudder, does an incredible job of parsing the data from millions of people who use the site to figure out surprising answers to intriguing questions.

Rudder parses OKCupid data to find that, women are most desirable to men when women are in their 20s, and men are least desirable to women when they are in their 20s. Makes sense—men select for looks and women select for money. This is not some sexist social artifact—this is just how the world works and you cannot change it by forcing a generation of girls to play soccer.

What is also true is that women in their 20s earn more than men. So women feel relatively confident at work. But this switches in their 30s, when men start earning more. Sure, this is a result of a string of career-limiting decisions women make (like, they don’t want to be at the Consumer Electronics Show delivering a baby), but the bottom line is that the security women had in their earning power will go down and the men’s security will go up.

What this means for the turning-30 crowd is that men feel great and women feel trepidation.

2. Approach your biological clock head on.First, for most women, the biological clock starts ticking like an earthquake when you turn 30 and have no kids. I know it is not scientifically proven, but most women will tell you that even if you thought you didn’t want kids, if you are ever going to change your mind, it’ll be when you turn 30. Something weird happens. And don’t tell me it’s society, because the Baby Boomer moms of Gen Xers were vehement that there is no rush to have kids, and thirty year old daughters should focus on careers, and still, Gen Xers felt the crush of the clock at age 30.

It is logical that you would panic about your clock because your clock is about to explode. Have you looked at data for mothers who are over 35? Here's a chart from Classhelp.com, and while this is just Down's Syndrome, most pregnancy risk-factor slopes look like this one:

But it’s not like you can’t control your dating life. It’s all you. If you want to find a husband, you’ll find one. Just make it a priority. First, you get rid of all the things you know are bringing you down. Junky eating. Junky friends. No exercise. No passion about work or anything outside of work. Fix all that. There are 1000 self-help books to tell you how, but really, you just need one thing—a will to change.

You will attract who you deserve. If you don’t like who you are getting, change yourself. If you can’t change yourself, get a reality check.

Then just choose the guy. Here are two things to consider:  1. There is no good time to have a baby. It'll always mess up your career, so just do it if want one. 2. There is no best way to choose a mate. Men will change careers, eventually have health problems, make parenting promises they won’t keep—it’s astounding how much marriage turns out to be a bait-and-switch. You can control so little, so don’t waste a lot of time trying to control for stuff you can’t—ultimately—control.

3. Relish the upcoming decade: it will probably be your best. You know why? Because for women, their 30s decade is the best one of their sexual life. OK Cupid has outstanding data about women and sex. Women overwhelmingly report that they had no idea how bad they were in bed during their 20s, but they got much better in their 30s. By the time women are in their 40s, their sex drive is at its highest and their competence in bed is at its highest. When asked why, women report that their self-confidence and self-knowledge is at an all-time high.

The problem is that while women in their 40s are great in bed, they are increasingly unhappy in life. Women in their 40s report the most anxiety, sleeplessness, and pressure than any other demographic, and women, after 40, grow more and more unhappy as time goes on.

I, of course, have scoured research to find ways to overcome this statistical nightmare. But, in the meantime, women turning thirty can console yourselves: You are gaining self-confidence in leaps and bounds during your 30s, and your bedroom skills have the same slope as the graph above—but in a good way.

So really, Caitlin, and all you other women entering your 30s, you’re entering the decade that is best for women. Honestly, I’m hoping I’m in my best decade too. But I’ll tell you something: My 30s were hard to beat. And I’m saying that even though I turned 30 with no job, no boyfriend and no money. So I know you'll have a great time as well.

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Absolutely Inspired

Just got back from a panel discussion via Social Media Week: Women in Social Media Panel. It was amazingly inspiring and most definitely needed. Let's just say I've had to look at the LolCats website a few times since my last post to get me into a happy place. And I'm pretty sure my boyfriend thinks I'm a highly dramatic, emotional wreck to which I've tried to assure him that this is only temporary ... I swear!

Each panelist gave valuable advice and all seemed to come from similar places. They graduated from top colleges, attempted to go into traditional media or dying industries, tried to encourage their companies to utilize social media and eventually struck out on their own when they realized their companies were slow to change. Everyone seemed to have been struggling when literally one moment, introduction, or idea changed their lives and catapulted them into success - the kind of success where they have control over their own destiny and enjoy what they do. Jordan Reid's genuine kindness was a good reminder that if you smile at the world, the universe will smile back. Alexa offered practical advice about starting a business - Seth Godin's "Purple Cow" and "Free Prize Inside" are on my book list. I'll be sure to follow Meghan Muntean's soon to be launched website ChickRx, a brilliant website idea that answers questions we may be too afraid to ask our mothers. And Casey Carter may have encouraged me to move my blog to Tumblr for the community of people and dashboard feature. The moderator, Neha Chauhan kept the conversation going and asked insightful questions, leading to informative answers. All in all, a successful event.

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Four Hot Naked Women

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Some promo. Apparently all for the release of Guitar Hero 5 via Adrants. I guess sex sells.

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Uncategorized Uncategorized

Many Faces Day 1- Part Two

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They get their picture taken
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They have piercing blue eyes and stunning red lipstick
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They are happy
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They play delightfully original and hysterically funny characters on TV. Thank you Mark Indelicato from Ugly Betty!

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