My Earth-Shattering Revelation About Tinder

I recently went on my first two Tinder dates - two different guys but oddly enough, both had the same name and were the same age. I was hesitant to try Tinder because I had heard it's "Grinder for straight people," i.e. just a hook up app. But a few months ago, I ran into someone who adamantly told me it had evolved into a regular dating app and he had met his girlfriend through it. I set up my profile and and selected the right pictures, then started swiping. And swiping. And swiping. And then discovered that in this very new world of Tinder, there are TINDER MEMES! I said TINDER MEMES! About every thirty swipes or so (don't judge me), one comes across a guy hugging a tiger. This is a thing. This thing has its own Tumblr. I don't even know where to begin. If I were an anthropologist, I'd say this is a very thinly veiled attempt to convey their masculinity and wealth in one single picture. I mean - I don't think they let you hug the tigers at the Bronx Zoo.

The funny thing about this supposedly revolutionary new dating tool is that in place of algorithms, witty profiles and the appeal of specific dating destinations, the process for choosing a match is actually more akin to real life. When you're at a crowded bar, you can't scan the room looking for someone whose wit catches your eye. Or find any clues regarding your compatibility other than subtle non-verbal cues related to someone's appearance.

Like real life, it has even become common practice on Tinder to acknowledge that you're attracted to someone but do absolutely nothing about it. Long-time users may have over 1,000 matches but have only spoken to a handful. It's like an unexpected flirtation on the subway with someone that ends the minute they get off at their stop. Perhaps it's the fear that the real life romantic version of them won't live up to what we've quickly allowed ourselves to imagine.

So how did my dates go? Well - on the first date, completely at a loss over what to say - I opened with,

"This is my first Tinder date. I thought it was a hookup app but someone told me that now it's a regular dating app."

I'm not one for subtleties. There was a long pause as my date searched for a tactful response. I fully expected him to respond by telling me it was a hookup app, and then promptly end the date. But instead the date proceeded in a way that tells me that there are still varying expectations of what it's for. It didn't go anywhere. The second date was not a match either but at least I discovered two new wine bars.

I've never had much luck meeting and dating guy I've met at bars and don't know women who have but perhaps Tinder is the equivalent of going bar hopping to find romance. We shall see...

Dating = Energy

My friend and I had a four hour "conversation" via email yesterday (34 emails in total!) about the time and energy that dating takes out of us. I'm not even looking for anything right now because I could be across the country in a few months.. but alas.. somehow I fell into dating and all the stress that comes with it.

"A" commented that, "we put so much effort, time, and brainpower into thinking about the opposite sex - whether dating, trying to have sex, flirting, hooking up, etc. I wonder what people our age who are married or in long term relationships think about and use all that excess energy on."

To which I responded that they put all that excess energy into planning dinner parties and telling their single friends to stop looking/thinking about finding someone because they'll find them when they least expect it. 

What do you think?

In other news - I've decided that my problem is that I get enamored with the idea of someone before I've really evaluated if we have a connection; i.e. the idea of dating an artist, or a writer, or a former musician, or a computer geek. Totally lame. I know. I do, however, try to stay open minded and don't turn down guys just because they don't fit my mold - if I even have a mold. Yeah, speaking of energy, I was totally putting all my energy into other things besides men for a bit. I'll work on getting back into that zone soon before I get too side tracked.